Every January 1st...I make a new years resolution. Sometimes it's serious like to be happier and not let things get to me. Sometimes it's as frivolous as I want to lose weight. This year I made a goal for myself concerning my all time favorite habit...reading. I want to read 50 books in 2010. I never make goal for myself because I have always been afraid of failing...so I figure, if I don't set the bar high, I'll never fail...and in doing so, I feel like I've been failing my whole life...I never aspired to anything but what I needed to do in high school...I could never choose a major in college because I didn't want to do anything too hard. I didn't want to work too hard because I always buckle under certain pressure, and I become despondent and bitter, and then really never get anywhere.
I want this year to be different. I want to be different. I have a daughter now. I feel like I have to succeed for her...to show her how to do it so she will to. But more then that, I want to be happy with me. Even if it's as simple as aspiring to read a certain amount of books in a year...I will have accomplished something...if I can stick with it.
That's been a problem, sticking with things. Reading is a prime example. I love reading, I always have. When I am into books, I can read a number of books in a row like nothing, but I always hit a wall and just stop. Sometimes it's life getting in the way or I read all the books I wanted and haven't found anything else to suit my fancy...which results in me just stopping. As much as I like to read, I calculated I read on average of maybe 10 books a year. That's just sad for a self-proclaiming book nerd.
So with my daughter freaking out in the other room, tired and ready for a nap, I leave this confusing and maybe "no-point" post with the proclamation that I am changing the way I do things...starting with 50 books in 2010.
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